28th October 2003

Yes what I write is what happened to me as a little girl in Nazareth House home and I write also how it made me feel at that time and what I use to thinl. So the little girl in me is telling her story so she can brake free from her pain, hurt, tonnent and suffering.

I think once I have the little girl in me safe is when I will be ready to let this fear go from me which I have for the nuns and priest. We are both hurting so much and with our time with the Nazareth House nuns coming I want her to have her say with these nuns.

God, it is so hard to control all the pain within me. Don't these nuns know what we are suffering because of their abuse to us?

I have my stone and I have one for Eileen and Frances as well, so we know that we have all the world in our hands and we know in our hearts, we are telling the truth to our lawyers, for we also have all the strength of the Nazareth House abuse children of years ago with us and that, is what I hold in my hands. While I hold my strength I will think of the other children, Q,ut only in spirit as what I have to tell the nuns and all of the other people at the mediation will be my story only, as I have a lot to tell. I have 24years of my young life of abuse to tell

and it will also be about how it felt then and how it is still affecting me now.

Suffering in silence no more, scared, angry and confused my long silence ended in 1997 "The most important thing is that when I leave here today, I will never again suffer the regret of not having told. 1 will be able to go home and tell my kids, 'Even though it took me a long time, I finally did the right thing and you can be proud of me.' "I have tried to put it behind me as I grew up, I married, had four children and now four grandchildren

I call out because of the pain I are in, it is too great and unless you yourself were treated the same why as me, please do not judge us all with your words.

I suffered abuse of all kinds as well as sexual abuse from the age of ISmonths at the hands of nuns, women, older girls and a priest up to the age of 24years old. Some are so bad that I can not put in writing nor tell anyone about them.

What gives you the right to be more holy than righteousness as to tell me how bad I am. To be still told now in my gentle years by you, how I have sinned because of telling of the abuse which was done to me, hurts me even worse than being abuse. How dare you judge me and others who had being abuse though out our childhood.

Unless you too have had the same life as me, do not judge me, have you not seen on this site what I have put here.

I know that god is my judge and I leave it in his hands to deal with these people who abused me, but I need to have these people to hear me. So what is an hour out of their lives to hear me.

GIVE ME MY TIME TO TALK AND TELL THEM SO AS 1 CAN HEAL.

And 1 say again unless you have gone though the same as me, please do not judge me and many of others who have been abuse by nuns and priest.

You do not know what I had to endure during these 24years and still now I can not cope with this pain, I need some one to help me to carry my cross as it gets heavy from day to day.

Every day there is a reminder of the abuse which the nuns/priest did to me and try as I might to forget it, I can't. To forgive no. 1 will let Jesus do that, as I can not, He is all forgiving. Jesus 1 am sure that you know what I am saying here as you saw everything that the workers, nuns and priest did to me, please forgive them as I can not. 1 am an empty shell, which the Nazareth House nuns left me and to live my life as a normal person should, I can not. Even now, my life  is a struggle for me, but as long as I am alive I will do all I can to bring justice to the unwanted abuse children of Nazareth House orphanages world wide.

Yes each time I talk about the abuse which was done to me or any of us, it is like being abuse again and again and what's more if I see TV, read the papers it brings every thing back as if it was today that it happened to me. The words were very bad, which was said to us as well as sexual abuse from 18months on,.

So please give me my time now as I put everything to the back of my head to try to forget about it, so now that I have come forward, I want to help others by being their voice, to be heard for them.

I am going to stop running from my abusers the Roman Catholic Church, Nazareth House nuns/priest, I am going to face them to let them know what abuse they did to me and also how it effected me when I was a child growing up in their catholic orphanages and how it still is affecting me.

These nuns/priest, I hope to have their eyes and ears open while I not only tell them what they did to me, but also show them by my many scars I have within and on my person.

As I have gone though these past years since 1997 to recall what was done to me is just as bad as when the abuse was cast upon me those many ears ago, because it has always being in the back of my mind and as the night time falls, comes the shadows of darkness which brings on the night mares were I relive my childhood yet again and again.

So come this Wednesday all hell will brake lose while I let the demons from the past come forward with all their hate, cruelty and abuse of all kinds, to release them back where they came from. I need clean air to breath and to see for myself that there is good in me I want the evil that the priest and nunS put in me to leave once and for all.

I don't want to go to my grave as I came in to this world, not because of my mother but what the roman catholic church nuns/priest made of my childhood which I have endured all my life.

               Bishop  Pat's  Appeal  Auckland.

I read with disgust an appeal from the Catholic Church for an appeal to help Bishop Pat's funding to help pregnant girls. Considering how I was treated, this was very upsetting to me. You will notice that the money is not coming from the Church itself, but from Parishioner's own pockets. In a way they are paying twice. Once by their taxes and secondly by their contributions to the Bishop.

One; when the girls go on the D.P.B.

Here we have a Bishop saying he will help pregnant young girls and woman, not by church money, as he has stated. But from the parishioner's own pockets.

When I was an orphan under their care, I was maltreated and abused for all my early life. Told I was no good, full of evil, because my mother had the misfortune to become pregnant out of wedlock and beaten as a consequence for even the smallest of misdeeds or mistakes, because of it. Stating it was because of what my mother had done.

My mother was raped: = Now I need you to apologize to me, for what you did and said to me about my mother.

Where was the Bishop Then?

Where was the Church?

They were so full of self-righteousness. They couldn't see the hell they made of our lives. They preach abstinence before marriage and then turn around and pay young girls to keep their babies.

Why has the church stooped so low?

To me this has gone against all that I know about marriage and staying a virgin. I feel they should be putting more effort and funds into teaching youngsters about staying a virgin. At the moment they bury their heads in the sand and refuse to even acknowledge the subject. This is a doctrinal thing. They say that the use of protections is immoral!

If the young girls and boys are told of the consequences, of their actions and the precautions that they can take. At least they then will be able to proceed with their eyes open. It will make, some of them at least, wary of blind, excuse the expression, fumbling and the all too often results of young lives ruined before they have a real chance at life. This usually means the girl is the one left to carry the baby while the male goes on, quite often ignoring his responsibilities.

Why not tell the boys to stay virgins; also?

I can not believe that the Roman Catholic Church is paying young girls to have babies, after what they did to me. I was a Baby of the same circumstance, they are talking about now. Rave they looked at the long term affect, it will have on the baby? What about when the child is much older, will they pay for all of the child's schooling? Note; = That it says family life.

I have seen, on the Internet, that Virginity is the in thing, in Australia. The Church and schools could focus on this. Damn sight cheaper in the long run.

It will take all the "organizations" to set this matter right. The Church is the greatest power in some people's lives and by being the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff they are aiding and abetting the problem.

It appears they are two-faced about it. They thunder from the pulpit 'No! Be a virgin'. Then pay the girls to hang on to their babies.