STIGMA of ORPHANAGE.

There was such a bad stigma attached to having being in an orphanage, it was always a Dirtv word. It was the next worst thing, to being "Illegitimate." I was both.

A young, unmarried pregnant girl would go away with her mother, to another part of the Country, to have her baby, who was then brought up as a sister or brother,

to the birth mother.

If the pregnant girl's parents did not want the girl to keep her baby, the child was put up for adoption, fostered out, or taken to an orphanage.

The rigid Victorian moral attitudes, was the lifestyle then. The social climate of the time was such, that the shame associated with "Illegitimate." Was that the baby was called a "Bastard," and was not tolerated.

The baby was the one who was at fault, so from then on, had no rights and was treated

like a criminal. The child's feelings were never considered.

Verbal sarcastic attack by the nuns and older girls were a every day accuracy, resulting in a lifetime of low self-esteem.

The nuns wore large Rosary beads on their 3inch wide belt, around their waist, to whack us with.

Didn't they know how one contradicted the other?

There were double standards in the orphanage, in the name of God.

I felt, really scared of anyone in authority all of the time.

It was so devastating, to be stripped, of all clothes, hair shaved off for any lice and nits. They used strong carbolic soap and roughly scrubbed us all over, as well as our hair. Imagine how after, when our hair was comb. The screams of the knots being pulled out through the teeth and then being slapped across the face, because we were crying,

We were given a different name, if any names were the same as another child already in the orphanage

"We had to been seen and not heard."

"Spare the rod and spoil the child" was another thing that was acted on. As well as. "Children in your position should be grateful."

Was a statement said over and over again.

The two Orders decided how they would bring up girls like me and gave me no skills, education, other than what suited their purposes so that, at the stage when I might have been expected to have ideas of my own. perhaps even encouraged to look at options and choose education for a useful future. I was kept fit only for what the Orders had in mind for me - domestic labour. I was made to be scared and kept in a state of ignorance of the world, of men, of money, of relationships and of love.

I was scared of myself because of the teaching that whatever I did deserved

only punishment. I was taught that I was doomed to hell because I was a child of my mother's sin and the nuns' punishment were for my sake in the hope of driving

out of me my mother's sin.

Each Sunday we would sit outside the front door to be adopted out. It was really awful sitting out there. Just waiting and waiting and wishing that this Sunday, maybe.

Someone will take my hand today and say.

You!    Come with me.

KITCHEN

I recall, being in the kitchen at 6am one Sunday morning

While everyone else was at Mass.

We would go to the kitchen every Sunday morning, on rainy days

Instead of walking over to the other convent for Mass. Mount Magdala Convent.